so my last summer without the burden of finances is coming to an end... of course, it's not like i'm going into the "adult world" completely helpless, but i can't help but feel that i am just diving in head first. it's kind of refreshing to be able to write about whatever i want, because if i tried to open up about this to my partner or my peers, i feel like i'd just get frustrated by whatever they respond with (even if it's meant to be helpful). i've spent the past four years of high school surrounded by people who have visited the applying to college subreddit at least once, but are probably on it an unhealthy amount. it's kind of suffocating and demoralizing to hear about how high achieving everyone else around you is, but at the same time it's absolutely ridiculous that any of us have put in this much effort to get into so called "top colleges" when we're all probably going to be in similar places later in life regardless of which college we go to. besides this one guy, who might unexpectedly take over america's political scene (though i'm not sure people could handle any opinion that isn't black and white).
in other news, i still need to figure out how i'm going to organize all of my logs once they start ramping up. hopefully i continue to update this website whenever i can, but i doubt that i will because i know that i'm going to be absolutely swamped with the 8 (EIGHT) classes i'm taking this year. if anything, i should be hoping that i don't genuinely lose it this year... there's always one academically induced breakdown waiting to happen, with the worst one being during my sophomore year thanks to AP chem and calculus LOL. i predict that this year it will occur due to the crazy ass workload that i'll be doing, but i've been thinking and preparing for this thing so that if it happens, it's not so bad. i've got to get my shit together this year TT