january 19th, 2025


12:07
i had the most tumultuous week of this year yet!! and i still have. around 49 left haha.....
i was going to consider not writing about it, but since i don't think anyone that i know irl knows about this website, it's fine lol;; my partner broke up with me, and that was the event that made my week so "tumultuous". we were together for just over a year. it was both of our first relationships, and we rushed into it with our own different expectations. i wasn't worried about how long it was going to last, but he wanted to "make it last forever". the problem was that he didn't put consistent effort into making that happen, save for switching from cold to affectionate whenever our relationship was in danger of ending.
because i don't want to go through the emotional labor of retelling the story of what happened the last two times i tried to break up with him, i'll just tl:dr it and say that maybe it's not a good idea to believe a man when he says wants to "get some closure" inside his car. i am way too gullible when it comes to a little bit of emotional manipulation... a few days ago, he texted me (yes, over text...) that "we're over", so i immediately blocked him. looking back at my first relationship, it was so horrendous that it may have just put me off of dating indefinitely... but i am also young and have my entire life ahead of me, so why should i let one bad dude get in the way?
ok i meant for that to be a rhetorical question but then i immediately thought about it and it really isn't just one bad dude. even from elementary school, i've had guys just do the most batshit insane things and think that it's normal because it's in the name of "bagging baddies" or whatever. to put it bleakly, sexual harassment has been a normal thing throughout my life solely because i'm a girl (we are not doing a deep dive on my gender identity but this is a statement that has been said for simplicity's sake).
on a lighter note, i've finally been able to spend more time with my friends without the guilt of my ex being jealous about me having any interactions with men!!!!!! dear god the more i talk about my relationship the worse it gets ANYWAYS!!!
i went to the thrift store with j♥♥♥♥♥ on friday and i found the cutest pair of heels for $8!!! EIGHT DOLLARS!!!! and they were exactly my size and style!!!!

we were at the thrift store to kill time because we were going to see "she kills monsters" later that night, and oh my god. the story hit way too close to home... i didn't know anything about it before getting the tickets, but holy shit i was bawling my eyes out by the end of it;; i also made a new friend after the show!! we have a lot of mutual friends at school so it was really cool to talk with him :)
because of the Breakup, my brain has been total mush for the past week and i'm finally starting to regain my focus. i have so much homework for differential equations it's almost unfunny. almost... the academic grind never stops i guess. seriously though, i have to lock in for DE and physics because i cannot keep on relying on the mercy of my teachers;;